vive la france

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Fri, 24 May 2013 09:42:09 -0400

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Fri, 24 May 2013 09:39:32 -0400

fleurdulys: Flowering Garden - Vincent van Gogh 1888

Fri, 24 May 2013 09:00:27 -0400

fleurdulys:

Flowering Garden - Vincent van Gogh

1888

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Fri, 24 May 2013 00:01:22 -0400

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Thu, 23 May 2013 23:32:48 -0400

The Problem with 'Boys Will Be Boys'

Thu, 23 May 2013 23:26:37 -0400

The Problem with 'Boys Will Be Boys':

For months, every morning when my daughter was in preschool, I watched her construct an elaborate castle out of blocks, colorful plastic discs, bits of rope, ribbons and feathers, only to have the same little boy gleefully destroy it within seconds of its completion.

No matter how many times he did it, his parents never swooped in BEFORE the morning’s live 3-D reenactment of “Invasion of AstroMonster.” This is what they’d say repeatedly:

“You know! Boys will be boys!”

“He’s just going through a phase!”

“He’s such a boy! He LOVES destroying things!”

“Oh my god! Girls and boys are SO different!”

“He. Just. Can’t. Help himself!”

I tried to teach my daughter how to stop this from happening. She asked him politely not to do it. We talked about some things she might do. She moved where she built. She stood in his way. She built a stronger foundation to the castle, so that, if he did get to it, she wouldn’t have to rebuild the whole thing. In the meantime, I imagine his parents thinking, “What red-blooded boy wouldn’t knock it down?”

She built a beautiful, glittery castle in a public space.

It was so tempting.

He just couldn’t control himself and, being a boy, had violent inclinations.

She had to keep her building safe.

Her consent didn’t matter. Besides, it’s not like she made a big fuss when he knocked it down. It wasn’t a “legitimate” knocking over if she didn’t throw a tantrum.

His desire — for power, destruction, control, whatever- - was understandable.

Maybe she “shouldn’t have gone to preschool” at all. OR, better if she just kept her building activities to home.

I know it’s a lurid metaphor, but I taught my daughter the preschool block precursor of don’t “get raped” and this child, Boy #1, did not learn the preschool equivalent of “don’t rape.”

Not once did his parents talk to him about invading another person’s space and claiming for his own purposes something that was not his to claim. Respect for her and her work and words was not something he was learning. How much of the boy’s behavior in coming years would be excused in these ways, be calibrated to meet these expectations and enforce the “rules” his parents kept repeating?

There was another boy who, similarly, decided to knock down her castle one day. When he did it his mother took him in hand, explained to him that it was not his to destroy, asked him how he thought my daughter felt after working so hard on her building and walked over with him so he could apologize. That probably wasn’t much fun for him, but he did not do it again.

There was a third child. He was really smart. He asked if he could knock her building down. She, beneficent ruler of all pre-circle-time castle construction, said yes… but only after she was done building it and said it was OK. They worked out a plan together and eventually he started building things with her and they would both knock the thing down with unadulterated joy. You can’t make this stuff up.

Take each of these three boys and consider what he might do when he’s older, say, at college, drunk at a party, mad at an ex-girlfriend who rebuffs him and uses words that she expects will be meaningful and respecte, “No, I don’t want to. Stop. Leave.”

The “overarching attitudinal characteristic” of abusive men is entitlement.

thegiftsoflife: stone + the sea / pinterest

Thu, 23 May 2013 11:46:16 -0400

thegiftsoflife:

stone + the sea / pinterest

"Women are afraid of meeting a serial killer. Men are afraid of meeting someone fat."

Thu, 23 May 2013 09:00:28 -0400

“Women are afraid of meeting a serial killer. Men are afraid of meeting someone fat.”

-
When Strangers Click, a 2011 documentary about online dating.

It reminds me of that famous Margaret Atwood quote: “Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them.” It also reminds me of something written by one of the mods of Sex Worker Problems: “Misandry irritates. Misogyny kills.”

(via plasticbags)

Claude Monet - Morning on the Seine near Giverny, 1897

Wed, 22 May 2013 18:28:25 -0400

Claude Monet - Morning on the Seine near Giverny, 1897

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Wed, 22 May 2013 18:23:27 -0400

Claude Monet » Water Lilies

Tue, 21 May 2013 23:06:12 -0400

Claude Monet » Water Lilies

Soleil levant sur la Seine By Michel Couprie

Tue, 21 May 2013 17:28:17 -0400

Soleil levant sur la Seine

By Michel Couprie

Tue, 21 May 2013 17:25:45 -0400

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Tue, 21 May 2013 17:23:59 -0400

adriofthedead: This was one of the best things to ever happen...

Tue, 21 May 2013 10:14:47 -0400

adriofthedead:

This was one of the best things to ever happen on television

loveyourchaos: cats love boxes

Tue, 21 May 2013 09:21:16 -0400

loveyourchaos:

cats love boxes

Art History remixed— Cuban-American artist Cesar Santos’s...

Mon, 20 May 2013 20:57:21 -0400

Art History remixed— Cuban-American artist Cesar Santos’s painting series, “syncretism” mixes iconic work by masters from Renaissance to Modernism.

bookendsanddaisies:

Mon, 20 May 2013 20:52:53 -0400

bookendsanddaisies:

strugglingtobeheard: Teamwork

Mon, 20 May 2013 20:45:10 -0400

strugglingtobeheard:

Teamwork

toribolori: moonflowerlights: If you’re having a bad day, just remember that the Raptor sounds...

Mon, 20 May 2013 20:42:35 -0400

toribolori:

moonflowerlights:

If you’re having a bad day, just remember that the Raptor sounds from Jurassic Park were actually a recording of turtles having sex

I think my life was just ruined.